It's not midnight yet but I'm sure it will be past it by the time I'm done writing this post. I haven't just sat down o type in awhile, and I really been feeling the need.
So anyway. I guess our friendship is no longer. There were no official goodbyes or words spoken, but you don't really need those to figure out our situation. Maybe it will come some time soon, maybe never. Maybe I'm wrong and we'll go back to being friendly with each other. I'd be lying if I said I hope that wasn't the case, but it'd be for the best. And how many things have I tried doing for the best? Actually, quite a few. That wasn't a sarcastic hypothetical question. It's just crazy how much something can change within a few months or half a year.
I feel a lot a relief from not talking to him, but at the same time I just miss him so much. I'm pretty sure that's quite normal though. I was just so used to him being there, so it's weird when he's not. Is he a habit? Can it be broken in 30 days? Has it even been 30 days? No it hasn't. It's been a couple of weeks but it feels like ages. I'm sure he's relieved too, though. I was the bane of his religious beliefs or something.
If it were up to me, we could still be talking to each other in a civil way. A lot of it is/was up to me. But I don't think I can do it, for my mental health's sake. He has established that he does not see me as a friend anymore. But I talked to him anyway. We played games anyway. I still very much considered him a friend. But that's not fair to me. I can not go on talking to him and playing games the way we did and NOT see him as a friend y'know? But I don't want to see him that way anymore. I wish I could, but I can't. I can't continue a one way relationship like that where I'm just useful for entertainment. It's draining, it's frustrating, and I lose way more than what I gain from it. And the thing is, I don't care about losing a little, but I'm just losing too much and people have their limits.
I'm not going to extend SO MUCH of myself for someone who doesn't consider me a friend. Limits.
I guess what I resent the most about him is that he introduced me to Star Wars and I ended up loving it so much and now I have no one to talk to about it. Either my friends aren't fans or don't care enough about it. Lolz.. And no one to sit at a marathon at the movie theater with me.
ok well im starting to get distracted by internet time for me to stop
