An Open Letter to My Ex

I don't resent you, however long that took me to admit. The funny thing is that for a while I continued to wonder who's fault it had been, as if figuring it out would make much of s difference. Peace perhaps? Closure? Something I never really had. Yeah we said a few things, final remarks, but I always felt like there was a vein open somewhere and I was slowly dripping away. But time is a great suture and I found the courage to sow it up. I burned bridges and watch them go up in smoke. 

I wanted to say a million things, sometimes out of spite some out of pain, but over a year and a half later, even if you never read this I have a few things to say:

I hope that you find what you're looking for. I hope that what choices you make are always your own and that you have a clean conscience doing them. I hope that whatever you were looking for in God, you've found. And I hope that you've grown to understand who you are and what He wants in you.

I hope you learn what love is. I hope when God brings you your future partner, you have grown to understand compassion, patience, and sacrifice. I hope you've learned to appreciate little things like letters, falling asleep together during a phonecall, holding hands for the sake of holding them, long embraces, sitting together quietly listening to heartbeats. I hope you know that love is never pushing someone through guilt but waiting for them to be comfortable. That promises are promises and should be held closely. I hope your family loves her. I hope she genuine supports your dreams, prays for your fears, and comforts your frustrations. I hope you hold her close and spoil her. I hope you give her all your heart not just what's convenient or enough. I hope she endures. I pray she makes you happy and holds you close and you can be proud of her and her of you. I hope you both reach your dreams, and I hope you both live.

As I write this I myself realize how long it's taken me to appreciate similar. How I too had to mature. How I had to be understanding and kind and compassionate. I too had to learn to love again. I hope you know that for now, I am happy. That now I have someone who provides with love, patience, support and dreams. And you know... You were right, God always comes through with exactly what you need. I found my agape, who looks into my eyes and loves me unconditionally. You were right, God must've known. And so, I thank you.

Despite the crap that became the end of us, it was the catalyst used to promote growth and to guide me into Gods's greater plan with him. 

And so, though you may never read this, I pray that you're safe and happy and loved. If you haven't yet felt that as I have once again, it's all I can hope for you. Find it. Hold it close. Nurture it. Love. Because when it's there, I promise it will be beautiful.